I'm astonished at how the knowledge of my sin can change my behavior, but my heart has a very short memory. I know (or I make myself remember) that my salvation rests on Christ's work in my heart and not my own success or obedient behavior...then....poof! I'm right back to the same old, same old--trying to win entrance into His Kingdom through my own good works.
Thanks to some wise words from friends recently, and one very convicting sermon last week, I've been reflecting lately on how idolatry is not only ruling my own life, but how it is finding it's way into the hearts of my children.
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am a slave to comfort. It's my biggest idol. I'll do just about anything to get it. And, everyday, I put my desire for physical and mental comfort ahead of my duties to my God, my family and my friends. And, many times, if I'm patient (a.k.a putting my needs on the back burner) in a situation, it's really only motivated by hopes of getting credit for my 'incredible' patience. I'm a comfort and credit-craving hog!
Connor's sinful heart (especially evident at age 3) bursts forth on a daily basis these days. It's funny how I can see that his idols are very much like mine. He desires very much to be in control and to serve his needs rather than anyone elses'. On being told 'no', he's not a stranger to yelling, fit-throwing, and sometimes physical lashing out! Not my child! I can remember reading Sheparding a Child's Heart and planning that my child would probably be like every other child and would disobey and act up, but I always planned that I would be able to talk them down. I'd be able to change their hearts...back to that sweet and obedient state.
Ephesians 2:8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And it is not your doing; it is the gift of God..."
During a reflective moment, I have compared myself to Martha in the Bible, who slaves away cooking and cleaning to prepare for the arrival of Jesus to the home. I envied Mary who ignored the mess and responsibility in order to worship at Jesus' feet. Mary rests at the feet of Christ, listening and peaceful with faith. Martha, while believing in the one true God, does not trust the saving power of grace and works and works for Jesus' favor.
How can I be a woman and a wife and a mother like Mary? How can I rest at His feet and have a peaceful heart in the work that He's accomplished for us?
I want to impart in Connor and Aidan a strong faith and thankfulness in what the Lord has done for us, while, at the same time, raising them to be strong, confident, and obedient boys.
Lord, help my unbelief. Give my heart peace to sit at your feet and worship you. Help me to trust you rather than myself. Guide our steps. Give me the words to guide my children into step with you. Help Richard and I correct them in a way that is pleasing to you; and, so that Connor and Aidan can see your forgiveness in the face of their repentence. Let them grow to love and worship you all the days of their lives. Your will be done.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Summer Days are driftin' away...(thank goodness that Fall's a comin'!)
We've become really creative at making the most of our house this summer. With the heat soaring above 100 almost everyday this month, outside is not the place I want to be, especially with a toddler and a preschooler. Our days start out in the kitchen easing into our day. There are many mornings that the boys will sleep until around 7 (or even later!!), and it has been so wonderful not to have to sleepwalk through breakfast. Since our trip to NC, I've taken to having a hot cup of tea in the mornings (when I have time to enjoy it). I know that it sounds contradictory to complain about the heat of summer while sipping on hot darjeeling tea. But, I've come to really enjoy this small, sweet tradition.
Gradually, after breakfast, the boys are coralled into the den or dining room(a.k.a. temporary playroom), so I can enjoy said tea and daddy can read the paper. Before, only headlines got read and I ate breakfast standing up, back and forth while putting out sibling rivalry fires during this time; but, lately, a remarkable thing has happened. Connor has begun engaging Aidan in his games!! Yay! Praise the Lord! I never thought that this day would come. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of snatching and whining and crying too, but just watching the beginning of their brother evolution (or revolution) is so beautiful. The fears that I've had about Connor's attitude toward Aidan makes this seem like a miracle to me.
Since I've started back two days a week to work, I haven't gotten as stir-crazy as before; but, I still find myself, most days, planning at least one outing a day either mid-morning or after naptime. Our favorite places are still the museum and, of course the old stand-bys, Target and HEB. I haven't taken them to the library as much as I thought that I would. Aidan's personality is so curious and stubborn, that whenever I'm there with all those narrow aisles and tempting books shelved within reach, he is pretty much impossible to control unless I give in to his temptation to pull every last book off the shelf that he can reach--which would likely get me a crusty look from the librarian. Strapping him into the stroller buys me only about 10 minutes before his impatient, loud protests to explore starts--another crusty from the lady behind the counter. If I do happen to land him in a spot away from the stacks that entices him for a few minutes, he inevitably finds some gross thing on the floor to put in his mouth, like a millipede (last week)---ewwww!
All in all, summer mornings have been relatively great. Still, the cooler weather cannot get here fast enough for me. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time in the yard with the boys this fall!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Long Time No Write
Just as I predicted, I've let these postings fall way behind. After our wonderful trip to NC, which was about 3 weeks including travel, and the off and on (mostly on) sickness b/w both Connor and Aidan before and since then, any free time has mostly been taken up by shameless lounging.
I have to say, it's nice to know that already it's the middle of August. Only about two more months until (please oh please) we'll get some relief from this oppressive heat. We're working on several weeks now above 100 degrees and a heat index of 110 almost everyday.
I took the boys and we met up with a friend and her two girls today at the zoo. Even at 9am, I was ducking into the shade of trees. Just looking at the tigers and monkeys with all their fur made me feel so icky.
I'll post pictures later from our trip to Grandma and Pop Pop's in NC. Like I said, it was a great trip and none of us wanted to leave. But, like all good things, it had to eventually come to an end.
Here are some high and low points looking back on the summer:
1. Both kids had at least one ear infection this summer...among other upper respiratory ailments (and Aidan won the award for most vomit and diarrhea during one 24 hour period this past July as well--actually, the diarrhea was many 24 hour periods, followed by a bodacious diaper rash, relieved only by prescription strength butt cream called Happy Heiney!).
2. Aidan has become obsessed with cars and trucks--fascinating to me that boys really do like boy things, even this early. He pushes them all over the floor and table and grunts "uh, uh, uh" (vroom vroom or buddin buddin). This was a surprise b/c Connor was not at all interested in cars at that age, but just now has started to enjoy his matchbox cars.
3. Connor saw and swam in the ocean for the first time and.loved.it!
4. When doing #3, we avoided any sunburns (except Daddy got a little roasted on his feet!).
5. Connor and Aidan got lots and lots of grandparent, Aunt Gretta, Aunt Marjorie/Uncle Herb, and cousin time! Sooooo wonderful! Connor, especially, was on top of the world.
6. Richard and Pop Pop took Connor fishing for the very first time. And, after catching about 5 or 6 catfish, he and his second cousin, Andrew, became much more interested in the cooler full of capri-sun and eating goldfish--can't say that I blame them!
7. All totalled, we spent close to 60 hours in a car. I still don't know quite how we accomplished this one.
8. We visited good friends in the mountains (the boys first time there, too) and Connor saw his first close-up snake. He kept calling it to come back out of the bushes to play.
9. Richard and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary with a stay at a posh hotel (the same as the first night of our honeymoon).
10. I started back to work---part-time. Monday's and Wednesday's. Somedays, I have a little twinge of regret for even doing that, but, mostly, I'm just very thankful for the mental and physical outlet.
11. As of August, Aidan is officially an almost-exclusive walker! No more infant. I'm the proud mommy of one preschooler and one toddler!
I know that there's a lot more to say. I'll have to fill in some of the gaps later. I'll leave this with just a couple shots of Connor and Aidan from July.
I have to say, it's nice to know that already it's the middle of August. Only about two more months until (please oh please) we'll get some relief from this oppressive heat. We're working on several weeks now above 100 degrees and a heat index of 110 almost everyday.
I took the boys and we met up with a friend and her two girls today at the zoo. Even at 9am, I was ducking into the shade of trees. Just looking at the tigers and monkeys with all their fur made me feel so icky.
I'll post pictures later from our trip to Grandma and Pop Pop's in NC. Like I said, it was a great trip and none of us wanted to leave. But, like all good things, it had to eventually come to an end.
Here are some high and low points looking back on the summer:
1. Both kids had at least one ear infection this summer...among other upper respiratory ailments (and Aidan won the award for most vomit and diarrhea during one 24 hour period this past July as well--actually, the diarrhea was many 24 hour periods, followed by a bodacious diaper rash, relieved only by prescription strength butt cream called Happy Heiney!).
2. Aidan has become obsessed with cars and trucks--fascinating to me that boys really do like boy things, even this early. He pushes them all over the floor and table and grunts "uh, uh, uh" (vroom vroom or buddin buddin). This was a surprise b/c Connor was not at all interested in cars at that age, but just now has started to enjoy his matchbox cars.
3. Connor saw and swam in the ocean for the first time and.loved.it!
4. When doing #3, we avoided any sunburns (except Daddy got a little roasted on his feet!).
5. Connor and Aidan got lots and lots of grandparent, Aunt Gretta, Aunt Marjorie/Uncle Herb, and cousin time! Sooooo wonderful! Connor, especially, was on top of the world.
6. Richard and Pop Pop took Connor fishing for the very first time. And, after catching about 5 or 6 catfish, he and his second cousin, Andrew, became much more interested in the cooler full of capri-sun and eating goldfish--can't say that I blame them!
7. All totalled, we spent close to 60 hours in a car. I still don't know quite how we accomplished this one.
8. We visited good friends in the mountains (the boys first time there, too) and Connor saw his first close-up snake. He kept calling it to come back out of the bushes to play.
9. Richard and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary with a stay at a posh hotel (the same as the first night of our honeymoon).
10. I started back to work---part-time. Monday's and Wednesday's. Somedays, I have a little twinge of regret for even doing that, but, mostly, I'm just very thankful for the mental and physical outlet.
11. As of August, Aidan is officially an almost-exclusive walker! No more infant. I'm the proud mommy of one preschooler and one toddler!
I know that there's a lot more to say. I'll have to fill in some of the gaps later. I'll leave this with just a couple shots of Connor and Aidan from July.
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