Schooled by a fish

You know when you have those *frick*-that's-what-I-sound-like moments.  These days, those moments happen for me whenever I watch my kids yell at each other using the same-dag-um words I use when I (dare I say it) yell at them.  Dang!

Well, this week, I was schooled by a fish at Barnes and Noble:

 This is my new favorite book to read to the boys; for a lot of reasons.  (1) I LOVE the rhythm and rhyming. It's like a song and the kids love repeating it. (2) The story is sooo funny and I really know people like this. (not me, of course).  (3) This has been the simplest and most fun way to talk to Connor and Aidan about how their "hulky, bulky sulking is an unattractive trait."
and, finally (4) it shows them how being pouty is a choice and NOT just how they are.

Poor Mr. Fish is sooooooo glum. He just bluuubs all throughout the sea.  Aidan loves to help me with the bluuubing.

All of Mr. Fish's friends try to talk to him and tell him to have a better attitude, to turn his frown upside down as it were.  Mr. Fish doesn't respond to well to all that talk.

I want to be able to teach Connor and Aidan about choosing their response to a bad situation rather than the situation choosing it for them.

In our house, the apple definitely does not fall far from the tree.  The honor of sulkiest, grudge-holding-est Russell was mine til Connor came along.  I cringe at myself in him when he gets into a funk and refuses to let things go--I know I'm looking straight into a mirror--and not on a good hair day kind of mirror gazing. 

If I'm completely honest here, Connor's long-lasting grudges (and by long-lasting I mean 30-45 minutes or so) result from real and justified anger at Aidan for some stinker offense (or, maybe I just find solidarity in another sulker's plight)  ...but, how he handles the anger snowballs.  *sigh*

But, Aidan does snatch, run off with, and antagonize without remorse until called out.  Maybe I'm also siding with the older sib here being one myself and remembering the TOTALLY fake cries and sob-stories....but, I digress.  (just kidding Gretta!)

Aidan IS quite the opposite, though not without his own dramatic glums.  He's much fierier and quicker to anger than Connor--sometimes he even anticipates injustice and furrows that brow before there's even reason too.  Aidan doesn't think in terms of fair and not fair.  It's either mine or not mine (the not mine is accompanied by tears, whining, and pleading).  And, he most certainly wastes no time running to me to gain my support for his side of the story--very.convincing.stuff let me tell you.

Well, our little pout-pout fish is convinced that he can be nothing but glum, pouty, and sad.  "It's just the way I am....I can't help it..."

Don't we all play this card from time to time (even if it's just in our own minds) in order to rationalize or justify ourselves?

I see the horrible way I've acted or the mean way I've treated my brother or friend or, even, I see that I'm wallowing in self-pity....BUT, I can't help it, it's just the way I am....I can't control what box the world puts me in.

So, how can we snap ourselves out of it?  Here in Mr. Fish's ocean, a quiet unknown fish swims up and DOESN'T lecture Mr. Fish.  She simply plants a big SMOOCH on his giant pout.  Suddenly, Mr. Fish realizes that he's actually NOT a pout-pout fish, but rather a KISS-KISS fish instead. A whole new outlook on life. 

Every time I read it (yes, I've even read it to myself....no judgements please), I am convicted that my actions speak so much louder than my words.  ESPECIALLY as a mother.  I know that I am not my kids' Holy Spirit, but Richard and I are the closest living adult mirrors they've got to reflect the real One to emulate.  I want to, above all, love and kiss them--all the time.  Show them that God is love. Not condemnation.  Not self-pity.

Lord, whenever I'm trying to teach Connor and Aidan about their attitudes, help my actions show them that to be angry/sad is not an unnatural state to find yourself, but to realize that we can choose to wallow in it and blame the world for a badly dealt hand or we can choose to be responsible for ourselves and our actions.  We can't control the world, but we can control our response to it.