Reflections

I'm astonished at how the knowledge of my sin can change my behavior, but my heart has a very short memory.  I know (or I make myself remember) that my salvation rests on Christ's work in my heart and not my own success or obedient behavior...then....poof!  I'm right back to the same old, same old--trying to win entrance into His Kingdom through my own good works. 

Thanks to some wise words from friends recently, and one very convicting sermon last week, I've been reflecting lately on how idolatry is not only ruling my own life, but how it is finding it's way into the hearts of my children. 

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am a slave to comfort.  It's my biggest idol.  I'll do just about anything to get it.  And, everyday, I put my desire for physical and mental comfort ahead of my duties to my God, my family and my friends.  And, many times, if I'm patient (a.k.a putting my needs on the back burner) in a situation, it's really only motivated by hopes of getting credit for my 'incredible' patience.  I'm a comfort and credit-craving hog! 

Connor's sinful heart (especially evident at age 3) bursts forth on a daily basis these days.  It's funny how I can see that his idols are very much like mine.  He desires very much to be in control and to serve his needs rather than anyone elses'.  On being told 'no', he's not a stranger to yelling, fit-throwing, and sometimes physical lashing out!  Not my child!  I can remember reading Sheparding a Child's Heart and planning that my child would probably be like every other child and would disobey and act up, but I always planned that I would be able to talk them down.  I'd be able to change their hearts...back to that sweet and obedient state. 

Ephesians 2:8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And it is not your doing; it is the gift of God..."

During a reflective moment, I have compared myself to Martha in the Bible, who slaves away cooking and cleaning to prepare for the arrival of Jesus to the home.  I envied Mary who ignored the mess and responsibility in order to worship at Jesus' feet.  Mary rests at the feet of Christ, listening and peaceful with faith.  Martha, while believing in the one true God, does not trust the saving power of grace and works and works for Jesus' favor. 

How can I be a woman and a wife and a mother like Mary?  How can I rest at His feet and have a peaceful heart in the work that He's accomplished for us? 

I want to impart in Connor and Aidan a strong faith and thankfulness in what the Lord has done for us, while, at the same time, raising them to be strong, confident, and obedient boys.

Lord, help my unbelief.  Give my heart peace to sit at your feet and worship you.  Help me to trust you rather than myself.  Guide our steps.  Give me the words to guide my children into step with you.  Help Richard and I correct them in a way that is pleasing to you; and, so that Connor and Aidan can see your forgiveness in the face of their repentence.  Let them grow to love and worship you all the days of their lives.  Your will be done.